*************************** GRADUATING ***************************
This is a log of how I describe and analyze what I am experiencing for past few months.
If anyone is pursuing a PhD, and is working on her dissertation along with 2 / 3 other papers, and has to graduate in about 3 / 4 months, and is looking for jobs in a land demanding "security clearances" which she cannot offer and thus cannot apply to most of the interesting openings, and realizes that her funding is getting tight, and stays in one of the most under-privileged university towns with nowhere to go, then she can probably identify herself with my condition depicted in this post.
This post is for latter reference to anyone who is getting grounded in grad school, specially during the last few days.
Usual state of mind:
>> Irritated - Ask my friends about it, and also my parents whom I frequently avoid talking to because "I am busy".
Occurrence - Almost always except when it's raining or very pleasant outside.
>> Stressed - Feeling tired without any activity, mostly due to excessive thinking and planning.
Occurrence - The latent state of my mind all the time these days.
>> Distracted - Thinking about the workload with my PC, laptop, notes, books, papers, etc. open in front, usually texting, browsing or staring into insignificant objects.
Occurrence - Atleast a couple of hours every day, if not more.
>> Scared - The eternal fear with no face to it. Happens to everybody before such a huge crossroad, I suppose, except when you've got nerves of steel.
Occurrence - Every morning after waking up as I cuddle myself more and more into the warm comforter, cover myself completely, close my eyes and pretend "this is it, this is how it is going to be, always". And also occasionally in the middle of night, when I wake up to the sense of insecurity and stress.
>> Homesick
Occurrence - whenever, wherever I feel low.
Occasional state of mind:
>> Anger - Comes in bursts, usually triggered with an insignificant or self-contradictory reason. Subject is myself in most of the cases, sometimes some unlucky scapegoats around me, and sometimes the eternal rotting in Rolla, PhD, job, industry, society and life. Starts with a sudden gush of self-realization and ends with a lingering, shooting headache. The most annoying part of PhD I must say, is this headache and having to stare at your monitor while desperately hoping to get to hit the bed.
Occurrence - Almost anytime, anywhere, without a premonition.
>> Happy high's - Sudden overflowing happiness about a bright and blissful "near" future where I foresee "success". Yes, success is the only dream that keeps me high for sometime these days.
Occurrence - Sometimes during a hot shower or an extended midnight study hours.
>> Adrenalin rush - Very rarely.
Occurrence - The days I wake up early or decide to work my heart out.
Most common activities:
>> Staring into infinity
>> Making to-do lists
>> Modifying to-do lists
>> Not cooking / cleaning / laundrying and eating outside
>> Walking around aimlessly
>> Spending 12+ hours in front of the computer
>> Wasting time
>> Googling about PhD blues
>> Paper writing / editing / breaking head over my own paper
>> Breaking head over others' papers
>> Fighting with / showing cold shoulder to people close to me
>> Applying for jobs
>> Solving problems for interviews
>> Trying to do research!!!!
>> Feeling low
>> Playing music and dancing alone, writing blogs, taking phone pics to cheer myself up
>> Talking and reading useless but geeky stuff
If anyone does too many of the above things often, she surely needs a break (forever) from the grad school, by graduating ofcourse. But here's the catch - as you get closer to graduation, these things increase exponentially.
This is a log of how I describe and analyze what I am experiencing for past few months.
If anyone is pursuing a PhD, and is working on her dissertation along with 2 / 3 other papers, and has to graduate in about 3 / 4 months, and is looking for jobs in a land demanding "security clearances" which she cannot offer and thus cannot apply to most of the interesting openings, and realizes that her funding is getting tight, and stays in one of the most under-privileged university towns with nowhere to go, then she can probably identify herself with my condition depicted in this post.
This post is for latter reference to anyone who is getting grounded in grad school, specially during the last few days.
Usual state of mind:
>> Irritated - Ask my friends about it, and also my parents whom I frequently avoid talking to because "I am busy".
Occurrence - Almost always except when it's raining or very pleasant outside.
>> Stressed - Feeling tired without any activity, mostly due to excessive thinking and planning.
Occurrence - The latent state of my mind all the time these days.
>> Distracted - Thinking about the workload with my PC, laptop, notes, books, papers, etc. open in front, usually texting, browsing or staring into insignificant objects.
Occurrence - Atleast a couple of hours every day, if not more.
>> Scared - The eternal fear with no face to it. Happens to everybody before such a huge crossroad, I suppose, except when you've got nerves of steel.
Occurrence - Every morning after waking up as I cuddle myself more and more into the warm comforter, cover myself completely, close my eyes and pretend "this is it, this is how it is going to be, always". And also occasionally in the middle of night, when I wake up to the sense of insecurity and stress.
>> Homesick
Occurrence - whenever, wherever I feel low.
Occasional state of mind:
>> Anger - Comes in bursts, usually triggered with an insignificant or self-contradictory reason. Subject is myself in most of the cases, sometimes some unlucky scapegoats around me, and sometimes the eternal rotting in Rolla, PhD, job, industry, society and life. Starts with a sudden gush of self-realization and ends with a lingering, shooting headache. The most annoying part of PhD I must say, is this headache and having to stare at your monitor while desperately hoping to get to hit the bed.
Occurrence - Almost anytime, anywhere, without a premonition.
>> Happy high's - Sudden overflowing happiness about a bright and blissful "near" future where I foresee "success". Yes, success is the only dream that keeps me high for sometime these days.
Occurrence - Sometimes during a hot shower or an extended midnight study hours.
>> Adrenalin rush - Very rarely.
Occurrence - The days I wake up early or decide to work my heart out.
Most common activities:
>> Staring into infinity
>> Making to-do lists
>> Modifying to-do lists
>> Not cooking / cleaning / laundrying and eating outside
>> Walking around aimlessly
>> Spending 12+ hours in front of the computer
>> Wasting time
>> Googling about PhD blues
>> Paper writing / editing / breaking head over my own paper
>> Breaking head over others' papers
>> Fighting with / showing cold shoulder to people close to me
>> Applying for jobs
>> Solving problems for interviews
>> Trying to do research!!!!
>> Feeling low
>> Playing music and dancing alone, writing blogs, taking phone pics to cheer myself up
>> Talking and reading useless but geeky stuff
If anyone does too many of the above things often, she surely needs a break (forever) from the grad school, by graduating ofcourse. But here's the catch - as you get closer to graduation, these things increase exponentially.
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