I try to write about you - and all I do is feel left alone in front of the autumn blues that I wish were not gone! It takes me about a night and a half to shape my feelings for the first word  and I decide to dedicate it to you. Just as I dedicated half of my thoughts, daydreams, cherishes, belongings and blessings to you, without realizing that I never fostered the other half in last few decades anywhere other than in Christmas eve dreams. I haven't thus realized so many other things that any sense of conscious should have brought down to me, and I didn't even seek any sanity in the insane emerging camouflaged in such yellow nights. Never did any gush of wind bring me any closer to you as I frisked through every trace of yours left behind - but oh! how clueless I was in my sheer search for light that I didn't recognize a single dripping flame to be true. Darkness smeared over the blinding radiance made it all look like a crime crafted with the mind of a sinister - but believe me! It was a stream of blood still warm that I could sniff as the last signs of you, so I drank through the chill of death till I drop on my feet. It hurt, and a silent wake of dread slowly occupied the void. For the first time, in fear of death, I rose to life - identified every single catastrophe that took place behind my blind hunt, every impeccable drop of venom that I assimilated came out through each of my cell alive. Realized - I am empty and still, craving for life.

And then the first of my last few words, oozed out through the corridors and allays I have chosen to avoid as I knew they'd distance me from breadcrumbs you left behind. This one time when it's all nearing end, I saw the sunrise with a quiet mind. I took in my hand the fragile dew-drops with utter care, I felt the parched leaves breaking down under my feet, the pollen laying life to beauty and creation, the tiptoed morning setting in over the main-roads and sidewalks with equal ease. I breathed deeper than I ever did, and ate to fuller than I ever could. I drank fresh water with the sweet admiration of old wine and I kissed an unknown child as I would have liked to peck your cheeks in sleep. All these little courtesies of life and blessings of dawn bestowed on me everything I ever wanted to offer to you in passion - I felt the tight embrace of life as the last few of my first words embarked my boat.